Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Photo by Olena Sergienko on Unsplash.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”  

Except when it’s not. Maybe this year the holidays are the worst time of the year.

The decorations, lights, and music feel like a sting and not a salve.

You are not alone.

The holidays are painful and complicated when you are navigating grief.

Maybe it’s grief over the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, or unwanted circumstances and disappointed expectations.

Rather than being a source of joy, the holidays can bring up loneliness, pain, regrets, sadness, anxiety and anger.

What can you do?

Make space.

You might not want to feel grief during the holidays, but it is important to make space to process the grief you are feeling.

Maybe it’s through journaling, talking to someone you trust, or checking in with yourself during a walk.

Identify.

Identify what it is that you are grieving.

Are you grieving your loved one’s death or maybe grieving the dreams you had about your loved one’s future?   Are you grieving traditions that don’t feel the same without your loved one or can those traditions no longer be maintained due to the absence of your loved one?   Are you grieving the expectations you had for what the holidays were supposed to look like or what you feel they are supposed to mean?

Make meaning.

Plan a way to make meaning during the holidays.

Maybe you carry on a meaningful tradition you had with your loved one, or create a new tradition that honors them.   Go to a place or participate in an activity that reminds you of them.       Write a letter or card telling them about your year and what you wish you could experience with them.   Find a way to do something for someone else in honor of your loved one.   Research has shown that those who participate in activities that benefit others experience less symptoms of depression.

Take care.

Lastly, take care of yourself.

You do not have to show up to all of the holiday parties with a smile on your face as if you are unaffected by your loss, but you also do not have to isolate yourself for the entire season pretending it doesn’t exist.   Be honest with yourself.   What is actually beneficial for you to do?   Is it saying yes to this get-together, but no to that party?   What is beneficial is not going to be found on either extreme… it is not attending every event or isolating yourself from every reminder of the holidays.

If your grief feels crippling and you feel unable to cope during the holidays, reach out. There is support available- you do not have to navigate this alone.